Story #1. When I was 7, I came home from school and saw my dad working. I asked him why he didn't have work off that day. He wondered what I was talking about. I said we celebrated his holiday today at school. He asked what holiday. It was Martin Luther King Jr. Day. He said that he wasn't black. I said "sure you are!". He said "if I am black, then so are you". I replied to him saying "no, I am Italian (my mom)". Then I got the speech about him being Hawaiian.
Story #2. We had just moved in to our new house. We got invited down the street so my parents could drink with them. My mom brought a cake over. At the end, we had taken the leftover cake home. On the way down the stairs of their deck, my mom (drunk) tripped on the last step with the cake in her hand. She fell face first straight into the cake. It was a great first impression on our new neighbors.
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They were the best stories I could think of. Not quite as good as the turd in the tub.
Good ones Dylan! I'm sure you can come up with a couple more if you try.
Dylan, you did just fine. When your grandfather married your grandmother, and they came to the house, I remember Gabby saying several times she's not black she is Hawaiian. I really like Jan, and I knew if she got mad at you, well you would be in big trouble. Sorry, Cory without the e, yes you had some big ears. The family line is you look like a taxi cab going around the corner with both doors open. But just like me you grew into them. Dylan, what I want to know is if your dad laughed when your mom fell into the cake?
Deb, can you believe after all of this time that Sandi finally fessed up! Who is that girl, since you are older, do you remember her coming home from the hospital as a little baby, or did you wake up and some year or two little girl was running around in our house!
Kid for sale...slightly dented.
Jim, we always thought Sandi was left by gypsies. The girls just not right! I know she's not adopted because if Dad had a chance to pick a child she would have been smarter. But she is good for a laugh and she's got a big heart so I guess we'll claim her for a while longer.
Hey, my little guy is quite the story teller. And Cory, you know he always has a place here if you're looking to get rid of him. I'm sure what he meant by that is that you are such a charismatic leader that you appeal to every demographic. And as for Lisa, she's such a beautiful, elegant woman that it's rare to see such a silly thing happen to her.
Debbey and Jim--we all know Sandi has solved more dysfunctional people problems than Dr. Phil, Jerry Springer and Montel Williams combined. That takes some smarts!
Orrin: note to self #1.....
While at the reunion, try to catch Sandi relaxing in the swimming pool..... and toss in that baby ruth candy bar ... make sure it lands nice and close to her.... and then yell... Oh no! not again!!!
Note to self #2 ... dont kiss anyone that bites the bubbles in the pool .. ya know Sarah used to do that allllll the time when we were younger... wonder if she still do
Orrin are you lookin' for another ass-whupin? Don't forget, I'm the meanest girl you're liable to run into and I've got skeelz!
while I harken back to the good ole days....
I am reminded of the time Ma made up a great big ole pot of pinto beans.... holey crap... Sarah do like pinto beans...
why she ate so many.... that... how do I most tastefully provide the visual....
well, lets just say that the Goodyear blimp made a point to stop in for a fill up
next time... booger munchin 101
Oh dude you are SO in trouble!
Let me remind you of the time we were unloading fence material in Lansing and it was like 90 degrees out. All of the fence material was inside a 40 foot semi truck trailer that had been all closed up so it was like 120 degrees inside. Three or four of us were unloading the material and were all the way in the nose of the trailer and dear brother Orrin was standing in the doorway of the trailer. The green onions had finally finished their seven year fermintation and wanted out. Oh, and wanted out in a BIG way. I am pretty sure that this record is listed in the Guiness Book of World Records, AND, I am also certain that it will never be broken. Orrin at one end and us innocent victoms at the other end of the 40 foot trailer when the first wave hit us. It was totally in stealth mode as the smell traveled much faster than the sound. I didn't even know that was possible. In fact, I doubt if anyone has been able to duplicate that effort. He was wearing Levi's 550 jeans with extra study stitching but they were know match for the nuclear force that escaped from his poop shoot. The butt seams split wide open. I can still see the little fibres floating down in the glow of the sunlight at the other end. The reason I even saw that was because my eyes were wide open in utter horror due to the assault on my sinus passages.
Of course the three of us scrambled as fast as we could to escape certain death due to asphyxiation and nausea. Unlike carbon monoxide poisoning, known as the "Silent Killer", this had plenty of sound, registering about 130 decibels. Very similar to a 747 engine ramping up for take off. However, like I said this one was stealth and the sound did not arrive for at least 5 seconds after the smell. Yes, we scrambled as fast as we could to reach the opening of the trailer. We crawled and crawled toward the light. I think I even saw Jesus. Orrin was not done however. Without the restriction of the butt seams on his jeans the next barrage came in rapid succesion. The only time I've ever heard rapid concussions like that is the 50 milimeter cannons on an Apache Helicopter.
Well the good news is that I survived. Unfortunately the other two fell victom just inches from the doorway and fresh air.
We built a memorial for them.
dang, I thought that you had forgotten about that...
I do still laugh about our "camp outs" back in the day. We built some pretty impressive "forts"
Some were underground, we had one that was 3 stories tall, another had 4 rooms, each about 6' x 8'
one night four or five of us were cattin around at night... next thing ya know, two of us (I wasnt one of them) were buck nekkid streakin down the road! anyone wanna fess up?
You know it's true what they say-
"Farts are funny!" Good story Sarah.
Seriously....is there ANYTHING better than a good fart story??
One must have complete composure to be able to render these with an authoritative flair
Yeah Sarah! aughed my butt off! I'm NOT the lone farter! LOL! Loved the story. I bet Orrin loved it even more. You can bet this blog will tell it ALL! That's okay, "PEOPLE SAY" A family that farts together, stays together (cuz no one else wants 'em around!!)
I haven't been on here in a couple of days, so I'm going to have to catch up fast to stay on top of "sibling" remarks. Course Jodi is my all time defender. If I'm not around, she'll shame them to death!! Yeah Jodi!
as I recall it was complete "exposure"
too phunnie
Yes Orrin, I will remember that day in Lansing for the remainder of my life. It's burned into my memory as well as my nostrils. However, since I did not copywrite that story you are free to use it in your biography. A suggested title might be: "Kentucky Windage: A compilation of 50 Years of Flatulence"
I would suggest that you NOT make it a photo essay.
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